Autistically Me

I’ll never understand why people think they’re complimenting us with that line or something similar. I never would have guessed, you don’t look autistic, oh, you must be very high functioning, well, we’re all a little autistic, right? No. Wrong.

Now, I don’t speak for the entire autistic community, because we all have our own individual experiences, but I sure as hell speak for me. It’s not a compliment, it’s an insult, I am the only one who gets to decide my functioning level. I am the one who gets to determine my worth. It’s like a punch to the gut whenever someone says I don’t look autistic. I spent years masking my traits because I was forced to. I’ve put a lot of energy into unmasking and relearning about my true, authentic autistic self. I’ve had to figure out where fake neurotypical me ended true autistic me began. I wake up every single day, thankful to be autistic. I thank the gods every morning for making me this way and I’m absolutely face first in love with my autism. It motivates me to start my day I swear.

Whenever someone says I don’t look autistic, it’s a constant reminder that society has it’s own little box of what they think you should be and you don’t fit in it. It’s wrong, it’s ableist and people have no idea how broad of a spectrum autism really is and how widely our experiences vary from person to person. If you ask 100 autistic people about our experiences with autism, you’ll get 100 different answers. So maybe the issue is not that I don’t look autistic, maybe the issue is that society needs to change its perspective of what autism looks like.

Then there’s my other personal favourite. My son/grandson/nephew/friend’s kid is autistic. You don’t look like them. You’re not like them at ALL! Nope, I’m not. I’m me. With MY autism. MY traits. MY experiences. Not theirs. Stop treating autistic people as a group and start treating us as individuals. Stop arguing with autistic people about autism. Stop thinking you know more than we do and for the love of all that is autistic, stop talking over us. Know when it’s time to close your mouth and open your mind.

Is it just me, or does anyone else have the ability to snense other autistic people you’ve never met before?

Like, it could be an autistic person I’ve never had any previous interaction with and somehow, I always turn out to be right whenever I think hey, I think this person is autistic. Usually conermed by them. I feel like we give off a certain energy signature that I pick up on. Not sure how else to explain it, but I’ve even been able to pick up on it with those who are very heavy maskers.

I really love it. Many times, it results in me having the lovely experience of being able to connect with other autistic people. Sometimes this results in friendships being formed. At the very least, it ends with very plesant conversations and interactions. Love that. Usually, I’m wearing one of my autistic pride pins or something of the like, so often times, they will slow down or stop to read what I have on and it starts a conversation. Fun times.

No triggery post today. I’m okay. Still worried about a couple of my fellow autists, but I’m okay. Things are calm if only for now. The darkness must give way to the light, yes?

Ever experience executive disfunction when washing your face? Earlier today, I washed my face with the proper morning cleanser, but I used the wrong topical medication. I used my night one instead of my day one sad face. Then I had to wash off the night cream, only to reapply my day cream. This caused me to skip my night cream as I’d already used it that day. It’s a tism thing. Sigh…

Seems like such a small thing and NTs would just be like, why can’t you just reapply your night cream? Well, because my night cream is expensive af. I won’t apply it twice in one day. So my face will go without. Normally when I experience executive disfunction, it has to do with housework and cleaning. Not with hygiene lol sigh. Laundry is the worst for executive disfunction. Honestly!

So, that’s all for this autist’s randomness today. I must sign off now and be indecisive with which film I should put on this night. Stimming time lovelies! Byes!

I’ve noticed an increase of posts in various autistic groups I’m in, with many of us struggling fiercely. Some saying things like not wanting to be autistic, or that they wouldn’t wish autism on their worst enemy. This makes me hurt. I have to wonder how much of this comes from their experience with autism and how much of it is internalized ableism, triggered by society’s unrealistic expectations of us.

So, this brings me to today’s post. I love the autistic community immensely. More than I have words for. So if no one has told you this today, or ever, I will tell you. If you were meant to be nt, you would have been created nt. You’re exactly the way you were supposed to be created. You are in no way, shape, form or fashion responsible for other peoples’ ableism, ignorance or just general assholery. Please try not to carry it.

So please know that you are a beautiful, lovely, unique, sacred, irreplaceable, precious human being with immeasurable value. Someone loves you. Someone is thinking about you and wonders if you’re okay. Someone gives a damn about you even if that someone is me. Whether you’re #autisticandproud, not so much, somewhere in the middle or you really don’t understand the comcept of autistic pride, you are loved. You matter.

So keep kicking ass, keep loving with your whole heart, putting yourself out there, allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Keep expressing yourself, be it with spoken communication or not. Eventually, you’ll find someone who sees into you and appreciates what they find. Remember that you’re the one who’s got it right, not them. Don’t sacrifice your own comfort for someone else’s. especially when it comes to how you live your life. Your stims hurt no one, so stim freely and have fun with it. #unapologeticallyautistic#actuallyautistic#neurodiversityy#autisticpride

Sincerely, your fellow autist and community activist♥️

So here is my tw, because I have some things tonight that need to be said. I’m seeing an increase of posts in various groups I’m in with my fellow autistic people struggling something fierce. Some of them even say they don’t want to be autistic. One going as far as to say they wouldn’t wish autism on their worst enemy.

Now, I never, ever want to invalidate someone else’s experience with autism, because odds are, it differs from mine greatly. It’s not my place to speak for someone else. For instance, some of us see our autism as a disability, where others, like myself, do not. I think it should be an individual choice as it gets kinda complicated there. There is no clear cut answer t

However, I can’t help but wonder how much of this self hate is actually due to one’s autism, or how much of it is due to internalized ableism and unrealistic expectations put on us by a society that frankly, does a shitty job of accomodating us, trying to figure us out and understand us or even bother to try. So this brings me to my next point.

o this one. Autism just simply varies from person to person too much.

So, to my fellow autistic people, who I love immensely, whether you’re #autisticandproud, not so much, somewhere in between, neither or you don’t really understand the concept of autistic pride at all, please, please know you are loved. You are wanted, needed, appreciated, thought about. You are a lovely, sacred, unique, irreplaceable, precious human being with immeasurable worth. You are valid, you matter and I love you more than I’ll ever have words for. If no one has told you this today, then I’ll tell it to you.

In closing, please try to understand that you are in no way, shape, form or fashion, responsible for anyone else’s ableism, negativity, ignorance and just general assholery. Please remember that self care, does not make you selfISH. Remember that there is room for you here. You’re here for a reason. If you were meant to be nt, you would have been created nt. You’re autistic because you’re supposed to be. Being autistic is lovely. You are lovely and loved. there is more here for you and you deserve a helluva lot better than the shit storm life is currently throwing you in the middle of. I’m sorry you

So, keep kicking ass, keep loving with your whole heart. Keep putting yourself out there and expressing yourself freely. whether it’s with spoken communication or not. If what you’re doing works for you and hurts no one, you’re already doing it right. Stim freely and be yourself unashamedly, unaqologetically, you beautiful, wonderful, bright and shining souls.

Sincerely, your fellow autist

‘re hurting. I’m hurting with you. Know that I’m here and I give a damn about you. Please try to know how precious you are. Hold on, lovelies, it gets better.

Well that kinda sucked. The little event thingie I was going to bring my son to, is infact, next week. Sigh…

So we brought him to the playground instead, where he proceeded to have an adorable time for about an hour and a half. He went around the play structures looking for other kids to play with, but they all either had to leave, or chose to leave. I hate that sometimes. When they start to notice he’s different and they walk away. It happened to me growing up as an autistic kid a lot too. So I started to prefer to be by myself.

He did find someone to play with though and she was being really cute with him at the swings. Unlike me though, my son doesn’t much care for the swings. I, personally think they’re a great way to stim. Especially with headphones with good songs, yes?

But we’re home now and it’s time to make dinner soon. The warm days are going away too, which makes me sad. I think I might just have to bundle up in my fuzzy nightwear for the first time in forevers. Sad face. That’s all for the autistic fairy for now. Although my shirt says I’m an autistic kitten, which is also accurate.

Later lovelies!

Hello lovelies and welcome to the random musings of an autistic rights activist and advocate.

I’m autistic, just got diagnosed like 8 months ago and I needed a place to put my stuffs. So here it is. This is going to be a rather informal blog. Also, I refer to myself as an autist pretty frequently. Please do not tell me how to identify. I would never do that to you. Let’s keep it cute and friendly here. Comment, follow and interact with me and keep it a fun, safe space. I don’t speak for the autistic community as a whole, but I do speak for me.

So yep I’ll be taking my son to a family event at the park soon and this autistic fairy must flutter away for the time being. I hope you come back to my cozy corner soon. I might check back with you lovelies about sensory issues when washing your face, am I right? Sigh…

Bye for now!